Actor Madhavan was candid recently in The Perfect Match live online show, chatting about life, relationships, and marriage. Organised by BharatMatrimony, he was in conversation with Murugavel Janakiraman, Founder and CEO – Matrimony.com and moderated by Raja Ganapathy, Founding Partner Spring Capital.
To a question from the audience about “Has lockdown changed you in anyway? Are you participating in household chores? Madhavan responded saying, “Oh yes brother! I have changed in a lot of ways. My respect for all the people at home has gone up tremendously and I have realised that cooking is not as easy. It’s very easy to comment on cooking but to get things right and make it.. Because I indulged in cooking quite a bit and I realised that it’s easy to cook... you can put the ingredients and everything... but who the hell is going to spend time cleaning up the kitchen after that. So lot of things I have learnt this time. I have understood how or where I can fill petrol in my own car and how much it actually costs and what the state of the economy is. So like they say in Hindi we understood aloo pyaaz ka kya daam hota hai. Very great insight into my actual life. I am very grateful... something positive that came out of the Covid-19 era.”
What is the advice you would give to that younger self of yours, knowing what you now know about marriage?
He explained, “I would say brother throw out all the ideas you had about an ideal marriage and how it’s going to be a bed of roses. This is going to be a bed of challenges. And nothing like how your honeymoon has been. More importantly if you are able to soldier through it and if you are able to understand and make the right kind of sacrifices it will be well worth the effort. “
On the same topic of equal partnership and equality in a marriage, what would be your advice to men?
“I think, you should understand the meaning of equality first. We should ponder to understand it. It means equal opportunity, equal respect, equal hard work and equal admiration for each other,” Madhavan said.
Talking about the growing expectations in today’s youngsters, Madhavan said, “Expectation from a life partner has become hugely demanding because of exposure to social media and communication tools at an early age. The idea of an ideal match is about being ready to make sacrifices and change oneself to an extent that you’re able to maintain your identity and at the same time safeguard the marriage.”
Explaining why it’s important to communicate non negotiables before marriage, Murugavel Janakiraman explained, “What is non negotiable for you, is important to your happiness. You must make sure that the other person understands and supports that.”
To a question on whether understanding a partner’s non-negotiables before marriage is important, Madhavan replied, “I think it helped us immensely to knowing each other what our faults and strengths before we actually got married. I don't know if lot of people have that luxury in today's world. That's where BharatMatrimony comes in place, when you put all the vectors in place, all the paradigm explained and like Muruga said so eloquently very important to communicate what are the deal breakers in your relationship, right before you get married. And then you get easily settled in with that relationship.”
Is there any secret for this kind of a long successful innings from a marriage point of view?
The successful actor said, “The secret is that you should care enough for the other person. To be able to handle the series of disasters for the other. That's what secret of the marriage is. Things are never going to pan out the way you imagined, things are never going to come and brought to you. By virtue of getting equilibrium in a relationship it is already seeking. A smiling Murugavel Janakiraman added, “as Maddy said, Love which is the most important thing. Second is, respect. Third is appreciation. Appreciating others and finally saying sorry. Say sorry when you are wrong and say sorry when you are not wrong also.”
Finally, did the lockdown affect your relationship with spouse?
Madhavan was real candid saying, “I realised I'm not as patient as I thought I was. I'm not as determined as I thought I was. Because, all my friends are working out and building 8 packs and 16 packs and I was just sitting at home wanting to watch TV and not thinking about anything , days and months kept passing by, When you are actually challenged into situations like this, I realised how strong Sarita is. Or she realised how strong I am. Or how compassionate I am or how caring I am. all those qualities coming and you realise about the person after two, three months and now, after many months of this quarantine.. I think we have a completely new and refreshing understanding about each other.
What positive changes has marriage brought in you?
“I realized that I am capable of a lot more patience than I thought myself to possess. That was a great and happy insight. The second thing is I realised that a lot more can be achieved positively in a relationship with less yelling. Sometimes one gets so angry and the yelling is so much that the actual thing you are trying to communicate gets hidden in your tone as opposed to what you’re trying to communicate. So, if I really want to communicate something and I am upset about something, I become very calm and very quiet and use the precise words to communicate to her. Another positive change. The third positive change is that I realised you have a lot more strength than you credited yourself with. And the fourth important thing is which I can think of is that it made me understand where I need to stop in my career so that it didn’t affect my personal life,” Madhavan replied.
The Perfect Match is a series of conversations on Life, Relationships and Marriage, brought to you by BharatMatrimony, India’s leader in online matrimony.